K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
