According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
