He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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