The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize