I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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