So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
