Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
