DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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