i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
