when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Randomize
