i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I just gargled with NyQuil
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
