Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
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I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
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i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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