i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
