Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
