Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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