Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Randomize
