I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
