I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Randomize
