i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
