Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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