I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
