$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Randomize
