it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
