Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
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