Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
