i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
We just shotgunned beers for America
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Randomize
