My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
