Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Randomize
