I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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