Don't you send me to vm
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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