So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize