Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
