I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
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If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
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I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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