Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
