I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I want to have your abortion
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
