Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
