I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
