I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
