Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
