Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
