The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
