I think I died a long time ago.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
