If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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