also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize