I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
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Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
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I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize