I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
