i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
ttyl tear gas
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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