dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
