I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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