Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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