that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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