if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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