cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
