Yo dont text me then not text me
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
So squirting runs in the family.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Randomize
