She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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