AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
