I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
