After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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