Who wears a wallet chain?!
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize
