I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Randomize
