no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
My underwear smells like fireworks.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
