I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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