and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
