I think my fart just growled at me.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
