dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
