Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
