I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
