I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
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