Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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