you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Randomize