How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
