i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Randomize
