dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
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