So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
