just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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