she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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