those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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